14.3.05

I’m so tired from working all day at Rhino (this 3-d rendering programme that we’re are using to create 3-d digital models) and powerpoint that my thoughts are all over the place.

Lucia was talking about not having learnt anything this term, or well, not having learnt anything that she wanted is more accurate. And I wonder myself wondering. I have found myself wondering what I have learnt in these few months and it’s difficult to say really… you can’t placed how much you learnt in architecture on a basis like say if you use to compare how much mathematics you have learnt… and that’s easy to judge cuz it’s matter of how many sums you can solve correctly… but for architecture… it’s not as simplistic.
But for me, my problem is not, not having learnt anything but wondering if the things I have learnt are actually being used in my design process and my portfolio. And there’s the irksome problem of finding my own personal style. I would love to come up with an original style of my own but in this day and age, hardly anything is original anymore. Plus, I’ve always been better at copying stuff… I mean, the whole reason why I am good at art in the first place was simply observing the things that I like, copying them and in the process of doing so that my brain recalls and recounts how the lines turn and twist… how the shadows bend and fade… so perhaps, I was thinking, if I was to observe and study more works of famous architects and their styles, perhaps in copying some of their methods, that I will be able to create or find some sort of inkling of a style I would be proud to call my own.
(All you arty people out there, what do u think? Does it sound logical? )
Cuz the problem of not having my own style bothers me so. Half the time when we are told to produce work, I get frustrated because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and just how in-dept the quality of work has to be and hopefully, producing a sort of work pattern would help clarify matters. Cuz for life drawing, I just know when I study the model where the lines should bolden, and where the shadows should darken and it’s so enjoyable as it’s then simply a matter of putting charcoal on paper.
Maybe Julio was right then, saying architecture was more challenging in this aspect: it was one of the arts which he has yet to crack. The mystery eludes me too.
Dammit.

I hate being tired and frustrated at the same time. It is total waste of time and useless yet I still do it.

I think half of the frustration is directed at myself, for not being not disciplined. It’s shocking that Vicky managed to come out with perfect plans for 2 of her sketch models and 3 sections for one of them in the weekend… and what have I done?!?!?!?! I did plan to have them done over the weekend as well but Monday comes and all I have are 2 plans so rough that they don’t even have doors in them, fwah liao and no sections!

‘Fill us anew we pray’… that’s the only thing making me feel less crumby now, -bleah-